First and foremost, I'm a mom. That's the most important role I'll ever play in my life. I believe absolutely that children, absent neglect or abuse, should live with their parents. I also believe that parents-not great uncles, not cousins--have the right to make the important decisions that impact their young children's lives.

That's why the story of Elian Gonzalez is so troubling. His terrible journey to the United States is awful enough. But, to be cynically manipulated by his Miami relatives is shameful. Rather than doing what was best for a little boy, his great uncle decided to use a 6-year-old to make a political statement about Cuba and Fidel Castro.

Now, few of us want to live in Castro's Cuba. But, that does not negate the need of a small child to be with his father and the right of that child's parent to decide where he and his son will live. And it certainly doesn't make it OK for a child's relatives to refuse to reunite that son with his father.

There have been stories about Elian's impoverished hometown. Does a poor hometown give relatives the right to raise him? If I am a farm worker in Palisade or a minimum wage worker in a fast food restaurant in Denver, can my richer relatives take my children from me because they can provide them "a better life"? Not in America.

I'm appalled by the outraged response of the self-proclaimed "family values" crowd. The United States government shouldn't have taken Elian Gonzalez from these imposters to reunite him with his father? Certainly, we would all have preferred that this be a cooperative, peaceful effort. That would have been the best thing for a child who has already suffered enough trauma.

But, please. Who refused to follow the law? Who refused to return a child to his father? Elian's relatives, that's who. Their stubborn refusal to do what was right for the child, their insistence on using him as a political pawn, was cynical and illegal. These are people who gave up everything to come to a country ruled by laws, not a tyrant. Yet, they refused to obey the law of the land they came to call home. They behaved like the tyrant they claim to abhor.

What gave them the right to declare that they alone should determine if and how Elian Gonzalez and his father would be reunited? What did they expect from their intransigence? A terrifying photo of a little boy facing armed government agents? Well, they got what they wanted. Did they even care about the terrible cost to a 6-year-old they claimed to love?

For weeks, this sorry spectacle dragged on. Until the agents actually moved towards the Gonzalez house, Attorney General Janet Reno was trying to negotiate an amicable solution. The courts had held that Elian's father has legal custody of his son. Elian's relatives had refused to abide by the law. How much longer should the United States government have tolerated this defiance of the rule of law?

For those pandering politicians who say that the resolution should have been peaceful, I ask, "Where were you in crafting a solution to this problem? How would you react to any other violation of the laws of the United States? Or, are you, too, just using this tragic drama for your own political gain?"

If we're really going to talk about family values, then we must appreciate the fact that Elian and his father are a family again. If my child were held hostage the way Elian was, I would want the federal government to do just what it did to return my child to me.

There are 2 basic issues here. One is the sanctity of the family, a value shared by virtually all Americans. Second is the sanctity of our laws, another tenet to which most of us subscribe. While it was unfortunate that a raid was the only way to retrieve Elian, the principles for which it was undertaken are basic to our American society. Our government must support these principles. We Americans should expect no less.