Bullying is violent, scary and demeaning. Most of us remember that awful knot in our bellies when the school bully approached. Many of us returned the favor. I remember being taunted unmercifully on the school bus when I was a kid and then doing exactly the same thing to other children. Both memories are painful. Kids can be terribly cruel to one another unless they discover how good it feels to be kind instead.

Attorney General Ken Salazar has launched a statewide anti-bullying program that will benefit all of us, especially kids. Teachers tell me they spend too much class time managing behavior problems. They are so focused on improving test scores that they have little time to teach children positive behaviors. They are eager to help kids learn how to manage anger and deal with conflict.

Many school districts already have policies and programs that foster respectful behavior and punish bullying. Several years ago, the Douglas County School District adopted student behavior standards. The entire community helped develop them. It takes the entire community to maintain them.

Janet Laning, Student Assistance Coordinator for Douglas County Schools, has taught many kids how to create a happier school environment. She points out that children need to feel accountable for their behavior individually and to one another. The "bullyproofing" curriculum widely used in schools teaches kids who bullies are, what their tactics are and how to avoid being a victim.

Importantly, bullies begin to realize what they're doing and to feel responsible for their behavior. Children watching another child being bullied learn what they can do to help. Victims come to understand that they can resist bullying and stand up for themselves. Teachers start to ask children what each of them is doing to make the situation better, encouraging each child to be accountable for improving the school environment.

Ms. Laning has some tools to get the message across. She teaches kids the language (i.e., peace, personal space, anger triggers) to express the concrete concepts they can use to identify what is going on. This helps children describe both positive and negative behaviors among themselves.

Children also learn leadership skills to help them manage or avoid a bullying situation. They learn how to handle their own anger and how to deflect another's. They learn how to work together to support the victim of bullying. "Kids love being kind," Ms. Laning points out.

Bullying is really a power play. Violent behavior, physical or verbal, towards another student is about power, whether it's the need to feel superior to another student or the desire to prove one's physical prowess. Children need to learn that positive power is even more appealing than negative power. Being a class leader, volunteering in your community or playing sports are examples of positive power.

In her work, Ms. Laning rewards kids who help create a positive school environment. She believes that children should be recognized for positive behavior just as they are for academic success. A school with a peaceful, supportive environment will help all children succeed academically, so leadership in creating that atmosphere deserves special recognition, too.

As in most efforts to improve schools, parents are the key. Their support of anti-bullying programs by volunteering in their kids' classrooms, demanding positive behavior from their own children and working with teachers on the curriculum is essential to its success.

Across the country, when people speak of school violence, they invariably mention Columbine High School. Colorado has had enough school tragedy. With the emphasis Attorney General Salazar and many school districts are putting on bullying, Colorado can become a leader in ending the kinds of school violence and isolation that are often the roots of tragedy.

Eliminating violent and abusive behavior from schools requires community participation. Creating an atmosphere of respect and kindness is a community responsibility. Helping schools succeed in their anti-bullying efforts will lead to a safer society because children who treat one another with dignity will become adults who do the same. That's worth a lot of effort.