Something I quickly learned in politics is that you can't make it on your own. If you win elected office, it's because hundreds of people help you get there by making phone calls, writing checks, knocking on doors, and cheering you on. That's why Senator Zell Miller's vitriolic attack on Democrats, his party, at the Republican National Convention, was so astonishing. He didn't get to be Governor of Georgia, nor Senator from Georgia, all by himself. His party and the people who believed in him were big factors in putting him there. His lack of civility and respect for those who worked so hard for him makes him look like a dyspeptic ingrate. He neither made President Bush look good, nor Senator Kerry look bad. One has to wonder at his purpose.

The current political climate in America is not a credit to our democracy. It wasn't long ago that former Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, Newt Gingrich, ballyhooed the righteousness of Republicans versus the moral decay of Democrats. He brought political dialogue in this country to a new low. Former Colorado Congressman, David Skaggs, and many of his Republican colleagues, tried to battle the venom and rebuild the spirit of respect, despite ideological differences, that heretofore had characterized Congress. To no avail.

Meanness and insults are not persuasive if you want others to believe what you believe. They merely solidify people's positions, making discussion and compromise difficult. From the first Constitutional Convention, which dealt with enormously divergent ideas about the structure of our country, to Congress and Legislatures today, struggling to solve the difficult problems of war, health care, and economic malaise, our democracy has required men and women who are willing to listen to and respect the positions of others. We don't have that today. And our democracy suffers from that.

To bring this vitriol into a local context, I'll share some of the emails I received after my recent article on gays who have no partner benefits. One writer went on at length about the horrors of gay couples, complaining about their chromosomal dysfunctions. "Let's kill all the endangered species," he wrote, "after we kill all the lawyers."

Another emailer said, "The only conclusions I can draw from reading your column on gay 'marriage' today is that you are: (1) ignorant (2) morally vacuous." A third told me that, "Yes, I thank God, the Almighty, creator of Heaven and earth, that you lost the election to Governor Owens!! What a disaster you would have been. Homosexuals are in the grade schools in the government pushing their agenda. They are forcing their abnormal lifestyle on the rest of society." When I receive such emails, I am not particularly persuaded of the validity of the emailers' arguments. But I am struck by their rage and their deep-seated fear of those who disagree with them.

On the other hand, another critic pointed out that "the issue of gay marriage is not an issue of limiting rights, but a means of obtaining the same benefits of insurance and inheritance. Why can't laws be changed to allow these benefits for civil unions? If only the word 'marriage' is acceptable to the activists, then what is the underlying agenda?" His civility and respectful disagreement make me want to listen.

So, what's the point? It is that people can disagree on every issue and still maintain a healthy dialogue in our democracy. It is also that when people choose insults over debate, we all lose, because no one is persuaded by nastiness without substance. We are persuaded of another person's point of view when we treat one another with respect and when we discuss issues with open minds and a willingness to understand someone else's opinion.

Zell Miller may have been simply pathetic, but he set a tone that is alarming. As this election moves towards its close, we need to remember that healthy debate is a cornerstone of democracy. And that only respect for others will ensure that our democracy will survive. Indeed, we are successful as a nation only together-not on our own.